he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
