Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
