Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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