I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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