Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
This is my life. Enjoy the view
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize