my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
bring money and cleavage
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
