Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize