His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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