so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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