Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
