WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
