drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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