uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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