She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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