i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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