if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
OPIZZABONMYDICK
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
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