What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just gift wrapped bread.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
