so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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