You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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