Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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