Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
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He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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