I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
