I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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