i was born a porn star she said
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
