Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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