no, he came in my armpit
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
