im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
