Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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