dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
