WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
