We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
