the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
