If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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