So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
