Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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