her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
