i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
