k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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