i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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