Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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