What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
