I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
