you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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