no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
