i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
