She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
