I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
