my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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