Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
im holly from the hills drunk
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
