Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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