He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
