At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
