On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
