I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
