yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
