haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
