I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
