I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
