About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
