I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
