Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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