I'm drive I can fine osifer
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
