I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
