I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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