the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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