yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
