I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
