then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
